Mom

one of the earliest memories is sitting with my mom watching Guiding Light.  i got alot of education at the feet of my mom watching soap operas from As The World Turns, Guiding Light, General Hospital, The Edge of Night.  from not understanding how a child could have a father who wasn’t his dad to people kissing people they weren’t married too.  other memories such as sitting at her feet as she sewed, crocheted, knitted or sitting next to her as she cut my dad’s hair or stirring the pot of instant cookies…there is so much of my mom that i remember every day.  from her love for scary movies to her infatuation with Michael Jackson when MTV came out, there is rarely an hour that passes that i don’t think of her. 

my son still to this day may need to go to a counselor to deal with the lingering grief he feels at her loss.  they were inseparable.  as much as i miss my mom, i know that what he feels is magnified 3 fold because he was so young when he lost her.  he would go to Red Hats, the church sewing group and multiple other outings with my mom.  he was so much a part of her Red Hats, they got him a red baseball hat to go to meetings.  i can’t even count how many trips he took with her to Oklahoma & Texas.  one trip, i’m thankful she documented in a scrap book and while he’s still unable to look at it, i know at some point it will be irreplaceable to him. 

i often am mad that she left us too soon but i know that it was better for her to have passed quietly in her sleep then for her to have suffered and lived.  and today as i live through this day…this day is a hard day for me.  i dread this day as it approaches and when it’s here i literally can not wait for it to be over.  i want to speed up and it to be midnight.  i don’t want to think about the horrible thing that happened on this day.  i hate this day.  but mostly i hate that i no longer get to share my life with my mom. 

so here’s to my mom…for the all the memories, for all the lessons, for making me who i am…i miss You every day.  i celebrate your life…and i thank you for giving me life.

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