oh what a day!!

so it was about 12:47am this morning that my phone rang with the hospital telling me that my Dad wasn’t doing well in intermediate care and needed to be moved to critical care. his blood pressure was 70/40 and he has pneumonia and fluid on the his lungs. he couldn’t have his heart treated or his lungs would fail; can’t treat the lungs or the heart rate goes down. i asked if i needed to come then, the nurse said no. so i call my brother & sis-in-law and let them know. my brother calls me back around 3:45 and we make plans to go up first thing this morning.

we meet at the hospital around 8:45 and we go up to see my Dad. he is sitting up in CCU talking to the nurse, not on any intubation or anything. we talk to him. we ask him if he knew of the concern he caused the night before, he said he slept through the whole thing. a good thing since he’s not been sleeping more than 2-4 hours a night. when asked, he was less than happy to talk about his living will, but indicated 4 times that he did want to do it. he then said he was feeling better and planned on living another 20 yrs. i told him i loved him and made sure he knew how much i did…just in case.

we go to his house to find the white binder where his living will, the power of attorney, the house in it’s trust, etc are all found. Tina, Jason & I look everywhere. Jason even starts cleaning Dad’s bad room. we find nothing. the lawyer indicates to me that he can print the paperwork again and just have Dad sign it and have a notary there to make it legal. we can’t find it.

the dumpster was rented last week for 10 days. it’s full, they won’t come dump it without another arm and leg. we easily can fill up another 3 dumpsters just to get enough room in the basement to move Dad’s furniture downstairs so we can shampoo the carpets and begin to clean to move in.

in the mean time, my brother tries to get the furnace in the house working. no can do. he calls Cooks where we have a 10 yr parts/service warranty. they are sending someone out. hours later i find that there is an outstanding balance and no one will be sent out and they are unsure if there is warranty still.

i head to the lawyer, pick up my papers and discuss the house being in a trust. the lawyer has no signed copies so now it’s imperative that we find that binder. he tells me there is an outstanding debt that my Dad has talked with him about. he assures me moving into the house is the best plan…along with finding the binder.

Jay has trumpet lessons. his mouth is hurting him so bad he’s almost in tears. phase 2 braces have made it so he can barely eat. there is nothing mom can do but give him advil and hope it feels better. well besides soup…and lots of soft food.

i contact my notary and adopted sister and we make plans to meet tomorrow at the hospital so we can get these two items signed and finalized. my brother & sister in law find some people to help out with the furnace and the dumpster. this is good news. my brother and i talk about a game plan…we are doing it together…

as the day weighs in on me, i hear this in the back of my mind, “don’t let your heart be troubled, trust in God, trust also in me…” as the stress threatens to steal my sanity, i repeat to myself, “don’t let your heart be troubled” and the stress recedes a bit. my brother puts on my Facebook, how do you eat an elephant…my niece says one bite at a time. my one thing i’m doing now is to try and get a good night’s sleep so that my body is able to handle the stress of tomorrow and i hear this, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

so as i head to bed tonight, i’m thankful that my Dad is still with us, that my brother is helping me share the load, my niece for reminding me she loves me and my God who reminds me to simply just trust Him.


my close circle of strong women – REAL

not necessarily in that order but that’s the order that makes a word.
to my dear friends in my REAL circle, thanks for coming into my life and more importantly staying!!

to be…or not to be….


so as i go on without my one friend who i thought would be here forever, life is different. i have surrounded myself with strong, loyal women who have taught me that friendship isn’t about knowing each other the longest, but instead about sticking together no matter what. that friendship isn’t about who knows your secrets but about those who know your secrets and accepts you anyways. that friendship isn’t about having to call when i need them, but about them being close enough to know to come anyways, whether i call or not. my group of strong, loyal women – real!!!

so yes, my life is different. and a part of me misses my one friend, but i don’t miss the drama it took to keep her as a friend. but over all…different is so much better.


as my life continues to evolve, i find that i’m currently in a state of flux. where will i be in 1 week, 2 week, 2 months, 6 months??? these questions plague my mind.

i am a person who always has everything planned out – down to the minute detail. i am organized. my calendar is color coded. i normally can tell you what i was doing this time last year, 5 yrs and 10 yrs ago…just because i am JUST that organized. so to be living life on a whim isn’t my cup of tea.

will i be living here or there?? when would such a move happen?? why isn’t my family who i thought they were??

why is everything changing?? more importantly, why can’t i keep up???