i suppose it was all those summer games early on in my life that gave me such a love for baseball. my parents were season ticket holders for the Bartlesville Doenges Ford Injuns for every year of my life that we lived in Oklahoma. I probably knew what a strike was before I knew the I was going to school. still to this day I can probably go down the numbers and tell you who wore the corresponding number…for example, #8 was John Igleheart & #9 was Brad Bell…and so forth and so on. as a young girl i was enamored with baseball and the players, even though they were only high school age boys playing. anyways…the love of baseball was early on en-grained in me. so from January 2nd until the infamous February 15th (the start of spring training) until opening day are long, long months of horrible winter months for me.
ever notice that when a friendship ends, the memories are what haunts you? the memories of better times, better days, of laughter and tears all find their way back to remind you of those things that you now lack. those bittersweet memories have a way of hurting us far more than anything the ex friend will do. the ex-friend is just that…an ex. no longer in our lives and forever gone to us. but it’s those bittersweet memories, those memories of great times had together, of the sharing and closeness that you once had, of all the making of these great memories…these things are what pains us and hurts us time and time again. i find myself having to be resolved daily…to let go, block out the pain, and keep only positive people in my life. make no mistake the pain is there, unspoken to anyone, but it’s there constantly. it’s this pain that drives me to keep positive, strong willed people surrounding me at all costs, so i know that the likelihood of this sort of situation happening again decreases a hundred fold.
there are days where it’s a great thing to have those memories…today is one of them. while painful, they have brought me out of some very bad days and have led me on to an attitude of gratitude for what i now have. i have close friends, best friends, who are strong willed and fight for me to be in their lives…it’s just a given that i will always be there. and for that today, i’m so grateful.