according to http://www.dictionary.com, trust is defined as:
reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of aperson or thing; confidence.
confident expectation of something; hope.
confidence in the certainty of future payment for property orgoods received; credit: to sell merchandise on trust.
–verb (used without object)
to rely upon or place confidence in someone or something(usually followed by in or to ): to trust in another’s honesty;trusting to luck.
to have confidence; hope: Things work out if one onlytrusts.
to sell merchandise on credit.
–verb (used with object)
to have trust or confidence in; rely or depend on.
to expect confidently; hope (usually followed by a clause orinfinitive as object): trusting the job would soon be finished;trusting to find oil on the land.
Today, I participated in a staff retreat with my co-workers in Oxen Hills, MD. During that retreat, one of the activities was one that demonstrated if we trusted those we work with. I had to step back and realize that I only trusted one or two people who were in the same room with me. It was a sobering discovery.
For those who know me, you know that I LOVE my job. It’s challenging, no two days are ever the same, and it’s a job I can and do well. But it’s really bothered me that I have trouble trusting those who work with me.
I know why I don’t trust people. It’s as plain as the nose (and freckles) on my face. Isn’t identifying the problem all I need to do and I’ll be all fixed?? Apparently that is NOT the case. The real question becomes, how can I trust again?
There are 17459 different websites that offer relationship advice in “how to” trust again. After reading a few of them, I realize there was a common thread…go slowly. *sigh* You mean there isn’t a quick fix that I can do and instantly be fixed?? Apparently NOT.
My wise friend Robin said, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.” A very true statement, one that I’ve lived by for years. However, since this is the second time the betrayal has happened, I’ve found a little better one to live by, “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me; fool me thrice, you’ll pay the price.” To me that means something very different than one might envision when reading it. The only way to manage this type of betrayal (because I can’t cut this person out of my life) is to handle it the way I was brought up to handle it…Biblically. In Romans, we’re told to feed our enemy, we’re told to give our enemy something to drink…in other words, HELP them, be kind to them…and by so doing we will heap burning coals upon his head.
20 On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”
Now Paul isn’t talking about literal burning rocks, but more of the emotional discomfort your enemy will feel when their conscience is awakened at their actions and conduct toward you. it’s not easy, but it MUST be done.
So…I try again. I seek out co-workers look to be trustworthy and begin very slowly building relationships with them…little bit at a time…so that when the time comes, the trust has already been established.