Why My Emotions Are All Over The Place

So…about 2.5 weeks ago I underwent my first medical procedure of my life…at least that I remember.  When I was 3 days old I had a full blood transfusion, but I don’t remember that.  Fast forward 45 years and a few months and I’m having arthroscopic surgery on my right knee.  Evidently at some point in my life I have broken my femur bone and part of the bone was floating around in my knee.  The dr wanted to go in and do a search and rescue and get all the bone fragments out, clean out any arthritis that was in there and drill a couple holes in my femur bone to stimulate some regrowth of cartilage.  I have heard horror stories about how surgeries can go…about how horrible it is to come out of the sedation, about how bad the pain will be, etc.  This, of course, made my extremely anxious.  Luckily for me it was first thing in the morning and I had to get up at 5am so I’m already tired when I get there and they give me the pain meds and that’s all she wrote for me.  I don’t remember one other thing until I’m in recovery.  I came out of sedation just fine.  I wasn’t crying.  I wasn’t angry.  I just wanted to go back to sleep.

Now fast forward 2.5 weeks.  I have been cooped up in the house for over 7 days, no sunshine, no leaving the apartment. I’m trying to wean myself off pain meds.  The house is restless because everything is topsy turvy with me being down. Focus stage right:  It’s Mother’s Day.  It’s raining buckets so our plans have been cancelled.  I have no family around here to share it with.  I miss my Mama dreadfully.  I am wearing every emotion on my sleeve by this point.  I must have broken down 7 different times on Mother’s Day, some worse than others.  Finally, it takes an episode of “Call The Midwife” to send me over the edge.  Good grief.  I’ve never cried this much in my life and that’s including the time I was on hormones trying to get pregnant.

I do not know if surgery or the stress of the surgery or the pain of the surgery is causing me to be an emotional basket-case, but I surely wish I could have some emotional normalcy.   I’m driving my own self completely bonkers being this wimpy emotional wreck.  Bring on the Happy Pills!!!

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