Do you ever feel like you have many “friends” and yet you’re still incredibly lonely? Ever feel like you talk to your friends but its simply superficial? Do you find yourself wishing you had a friendship that was deeper than the pleasantries?
I find myself in this exact spot in my life. While there have been a few who could have worn the label “BFF” in my life, they have all left, gone AWOL leaving behind scars that may truly never heal. I have a core group of friends who I love, they aren’t really the deep, dark secret type of friends…like the “BFF” would be. I have had one “BFF” that I wish would have worked out, that hadn’t ended badly, that had some hope of repairing. But, I don’t believe it would ever be restored without an intervention from the Lord Himself. I have tried getting involved in different activities yet haven’t found any one that could really be considered friends.
How does one cultivate this type of friendship? How do I develop this type of friendship in my life? What can I do to be ready for this type of friendship should it ever come in my life again? I’ve tried considering how it has happened in the past, but in my experience it simply happened; much like waking up one day and realizing it was there without really knowing it existed before.
This is my prayer today…that I could find myself with a girlfriend “who sticks closer than a brother…”
When word came that my dear friend, pastor and adopted Dad was nearing heaven’s gates I passed the word along to those I could and began to pray. This man changed my life. He brought his family to northeastern Oklahoma to serve as pastor of the Evangelical Methodist Church of Bartlesville from 1983-1984. During that time and under his ministry, I came to know the Lord, my family came to know the Lord and many other friends were led to the Lord. In March 1985, their family moved from Bartlesville, OK to Bristol, IN. In July of 1985 we visited them for over a month. During this time, I went to camp with my dear friends (his daughters) Deede & Brenda Troupe. I started attending their youth group. I got to know some of the people here. After our vacation, we moved to Indiana and our friendship deepened. I was officially adopted into his family. We had holiday’s together. We shared Christmas gifts. I called him “Dastor Pad” (Pastor Dad) and his wife Mom Brenda. My mom and Mom Brenda were inseparable. David, his son, was the man who lead me in the prayer of salvation. There are a thousand and one memories tied with this man and his family. Because of this man, I know the Lord, moved to Indiana, met my husband and haveh the life I have now. My son, the apple of my eye, is named after this man and his son, David. While he may stand on the edge of heaven, I see what a remarkable legacy this man leaves. Not only in his own family…where there are two generations serving the Lord, but I see the “outlying” family such as myself. I know of so many people this man has touched. I am so very blessed to have been a small, small part of his legacy. But I’m even more thankful that his legacy lives on within my family.
It was the first or second week of school. One of my closest friends, Amy, and I were talking about how our boys (Will is 14 and Jay is 13 and they are both in the 8th grade) had injuries. She said she was taking him to Elkhart General for an xray that day. I noticed on Facebook she checked in there…and then she went to firemen’s class. I was surprised when she called me around 10-10:30 that night. His injury would be fine, they thought it was something like whiplash. But the doctor called her personally and told her that they found a mass within Will’s lung. We talked for thirty minutes or so, jumping to conclusions, worrying, wondering what if. It was during those thirty minutes where I saw ‘Amy, the mom’…her voice cracked and she just kept plugging along.
Two days later, I’m sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office waiting while WG8G is being exrayed. “Please God, let him be ok.” When the doctor went over the exray with me, we talked about everything on that exray. He probably thought I had lost my mind. But all I could think of was I had to make sure there was nothing in my kiddo’s body.
We’ve gone through the surgery to remove the mass. It was bigger than a baseball, more the size of a large baked potato. It was wedged between his spinal cord and his trachea. He had pain, but is recovering. The one thing no parent ever wants to hear, my friend, my classmate, my sister Amy, heard: your child has cancer. There is simply no recovery from that.
So we pray, we wait and we support…as there is simply nothing else to be done until we get the results back (later this week) to let us know if it’s localized (meaning they got it all) or if it’s spread. Praying for healing, for strength, for the faith to stay positive and the motivation to keep fighting…
While things have been stressful for a few months, there are some friends who have elbowed their way in the walls I built and took their rightful spot in my life. It wasn’t on purpose that I was shutting people out, but when life is crazy it’s those that come in and help with the crazy that truly are friends. These friends are closer than family.
So there was hype about privacy changes that would affect my being a “Google-aholic” around March 1 of this year and I have been looking for a place for my blog every since. I feel like I’ve lost big chunks of my life during the time that I’ve not been able to blog. Ahhh…so since February…lots and lots of happened.
My family has been living with my Dad since Christmas of 2009. Now that my Dad has recovered, living conditions have become tense. We are just all tired of living together. So…for the past couple of months I have been looking for houses in Columbus, Indiana to relocate. To say that we are all ready…an understatement. Now if we can just get all the pieces to fall into place…
In March, I traveled to Austin, TX for work. Talk about a fun time!! I worked in Austin for two days, saw one of my best friends ever – Brenda Lee Troupe and her wonderful sons and then packed up my computer and spent 5 days working from my niece Amanda’s house. I was able to see baby Tristan and Ethan & Corbin!! What a great time I had with my work, friends and family.
When I came home from Texas, I was on vacation for Spring Break with the World’s Greatest 7th Grader and AKA. We did many day trips to Shipshewana & Kalamazoo; bike rides and photo shoots. Next to last day of vacation, I take my brand new bike out to give it a test spin and low and behold, crashed it. I almost shattered my knee cap and had to have a trip to the doc. The knee the size of a cantaloupe and the bruising has slowly, oh so slowly, began to heal.
The day after vacation ended, a friend from church’s son was in a horrible car accident. 8 days of fighting for his life, the 22 yr old passed away. It was a horrible time. We celebrated his life this past Saturday. There was not a dry eye in the place as person after person shared memories of Jared. You truly never know how much you touch someone. The next day was the anniversary of my sisters passing. I kept a very low key day with my boys and remembered good times spent with my beloved “Sissy”.
Lots has happened in the past 2 months…is it a wonder that I’ve not had time to blog?? Now that my blog has a home, maybe I’ll be better at sharing snippets of my life.
Today I went to go see this movie. I have long since loved the books by Emily Giffin but to see the story pan out on the screen added an entire new dimension to a beloved story.
For some, all they can see is the cheating. For others, all they can see is the betrayals. For yet even more others, all they can see is how this is so real in today’s world. But for me, the story that has always stuck out was the story of the two friends. Best friends. How they were always there for each other. How they grew up and one was the giver and one was the taker.
Perhaps because I know the story of what happens next…how Darcy’s & Rachel’s friendship is never ever the same…how they can are never really friends again reminds me of the best friend I had…who left my life unexpectedly and so callously. Today I miss her a little bit. But more importantly, I’m reminded of all the wonderful friends who have come and stayed in my life and I’m yet again reminded how truly blessed I am to have them in my life. So to Rachele, Erica, Amy, Laurie & Sherri…REALS…thank you for being in my life and wanting to stay there!!
ever notice that when a friendship ends, the memories are what haunts you? the memories of better times, better days, of laughter and tears all find their way back to remind you of those things that you now lack. those bittersweet memories have a way of hurting us far more than anything the ex friend will do. the ex-friend is just that…an ex. no longer in our lives and forever gone to us. but it’s those bittersweet memories, those memories of great times had together, of the sharing and closeness that you once had, of all the making of these great memories…these things are what pains us and hurts us time and time again. i find myself having to be resolved daily…to let go, block out the pain, and keep only positive people in my life. make no mistake the pain is there, unspoken to anyone, but it’s there constantly. it’s this pain that drives me to keep positive, strong willed people surrounding me at all costs, so i know that the likelihood of this sort of situation happening again decreases a hundred fold.
there are days where it’s a great thing to have those memories…today is one of them. while painful, they have brought me out of some very bad days and have led me on to an attitude of gratitude for what i now have. i have close friends, best friends, who are strong willed and fight for me to be in their lives…it’s just a given that i will always be there. and for that today, i’m so grateful.