an x-ray

It was the first or second week of school. One of my closest friends, Amy, and I were talking about how our boys (Will is 14 and Jay is 13 and they are both in the 8th grade) had injuries. She said she was taking him to Elkhart General for an xray that day. I noticed on Facebook she checked in there…and then she went to firemen’s class. I was surprised when she called me around 10-10:30 that night. His injury would be fine, they thought it was something like whiplash. But the doctor called her personally and told her that they found a mass within Will’s lung. We talked for thirty minutes or so, jumping to conclusions, worrying, wondering what if. It was during those thirty minutes where I saw ‘Amy, the mom’…her voice cracked and she just kept plugging along.

Two days later, I’m sitting in the waiting room of a doctor’s office waiting while WG8G is being exrayed. “Please God, let him be ok.” When the doctor went over the exray with me, we talked about everything on that exray. He probably thought I had lost my mind. But all I could think of was I had to make sure there was nothing in my kiddo’s body.

We’ve gone through the surgery to remove the mass. It was bigger than a baseball, more the size of a large baked potato. It was wedged between his spinal cord and his trachea. He had pain, but is recovering. The one thing no parent ever wants to hear, my friend, my classmate, my sister Amy, heard: your child has cancer. There is simply no recovery from that.

So we pray, we wait and we support…as there is simply nothing else to be done until we get the results back (later this week) to let us know if it’s localized (meaning they got it all) or if it’s spread. Praying for healing, for strength, for the faith to stay positive and the motivation to keep fighting…

Stressful Times

On June 10, 2012 it will be 18 months exactly since the day I moved my family into my dad’s house to help take care of him, the house and the expenses.  My family moved in  hoping my dad would get better.  I’m happy to say he’s better – physically.  I’m discouraged to say that while we have put time, effort and not to mention thousands of dollars into living here, he has (in not so many words, but more in actions) asked us to leave.  We have tried to explain how our presence here is needed (he can’t carry water softener salt down the stairs, or pay all the bills, or manage all the house), he seems to have taken a deaf ear.  I have tried calmly explaining everything – he says I’m wrong.  I have tried being stern and blunt with him trying to explain what it will be like if we move out – he simply looks at me and says “whatever”.  WGH & WG8G have long since been ready to move as tensions around the house have been high as my dad thinks we are here to wait on him hand and foot.  After dad, very rudely and calously, said it was his house and he would do what he wanted, the decision was made.  We are moving back to our home in Bristol.  I will no longer be the POA or the executor of his estate and I will no longer feel responsible for him.  I have had many people come forth and tell me they can’t believe I have even tried to make this living arrangement work.  I did so for my Mom…who I miss incredibly every day…not for anyone else.  But even my beloved Mom would tell me enough is enough.  My family (WGH & WG8G) are my priority, not my dad.  Today, a dear woman of God, Mickie Turner, had on her Facebook, “My Bible verse for today: “And let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9″  I believe God gave her that verse for me.  God is saying to me, “Jen, don’t be weary for doing the good thing you did…but now move on and in the end you will reap because you didn’t give up.”  All I can say is…”yes Lord, thank You!”

22

once upon a time there was a little girl who wanted a boyfriend. a boy asked her out in the hallway of their high school right before Christmas break when she was 16. they went out. they went to the movies. they went out again. they went to dinner. movies, dinner, basketball games, football games, more movies & dinner…and as of tonight, they have gone out easily 42,789 more times. there are alot of dinners and “going out” in the 24 years and 4 months they have known each other, but tonight was a special occasion as it marked the 22 time they looked back at the night they said ‘i do’.

here’s to the boy who asked the girl out. thanks for asking!!!

"my eyes, my eyes!!!!"

so after my trip to New Orleans, LA for work last month, I can honestly say that my eyes will never be the same…and felt much like Phoebe in that classic episode from Friends!!! the nakedness, the filth, the smell & the carnival atmosphere will forever be imbedded in my mind. the best part about the whole thing is that i will forever have this wonderful memory in the ‘Big Book of Jen’s Memories’ and no one can ever take away my wonderful experience!!!

birthdays

so when i suggested to Jason that for our 40th birthday we take his family out to dinner, he was a bit shocked.  did we want to spend all the money???  was i sure i knew what i was doing???  would anyone even come even when we were paying???  i didn’t have the answer to those questions but i did try to explain that it really bothers me that i was so close with my mom and now she’s gone and here is Jason’s whole family right here and we are not close to them.  there have been lots of things that have happened in the last 23 years and that is probably why we are not close, but life is simply too short to go through life not being close to your family.  in the last year we have gone to see Susan and her family 3 times and rekindled that relationship; i have rekindled a relationship with Don’s wife Laurie and i’m working on others.  i know that some will never be fixed, but i do know that i am going to try. 

so with that in mind, the week of the big dinner comes up on me and i panic.  what if it doesn’t work??? what if something goes wrong???  what if it backfires???  but i got my support system in place and went!!  i had the best time i’ve had in a very long time!!!  it seemed like everyone had a great time!!!  i know that i have made the attempt…will it make things better??? i don’t know, but i do know that i can rest assured that i am doing my best to makes sure things are better.