Summer Time Blues

As young children we are conditioned to anticipate summer with the highest of expectations.  We get out of school, it’s nice outside, the pools are open, sweet corn is grown, fruit is in season, vacation is around the corner, etc.  But there are times during the summer most of us face a melancholy.  Perhaps the going back to work and routine after the vacation or the missing of friends and family or the knowledge that there is a long time until the next anticipated thing…either way…the summer time blues sneak in.

For me, it’s been the coming back to reality from vacation that’s caused me to be a bit more “bluey” than normal.  In June, the much anticipated trip to Indiana to see family and friends and attend the favorite niece’s graduation party happened.  I spent time with my beloved sister and my family and friends who are closer than family.  Jason was only there for the long weekend, but Jayden & I stayed the rest of the week.  Jayden and his friend, Lainey, wanted to come home a day early.  As we started talking about leaving, I felt this horrrible sadness.  We left and I was sobbing hysterically.  So much so, Jayden actually asked if I was going to be ok.

Since then, it comes and goes in waves.  Some days it’s all I can do to not be overcome with homesickness.  Other days, I’m so glad I’m not there anymore.  That I just wish some of my beloved family was here.  It’s a pendulum swinging back and forth.  One thing is for certain, had I had this close of relationships while I lived there, I would have suffered through the weather and SAD.

So in retrospect, while I may have bouts of blues and homesickness, I’m thankful I have become so close to so many of my family members even though distance separates us.  For that alone, the blues is so worth it!!!

My Inability to People

For the last few months, I’ve been having a hard time being around people.  I seem to have an issue with people who display stupid behavior or choices.  Of course, one could say that I am a bit too harsh, but there comes a time in life when one has to make the conscience choice to get rid of people who are negative, who aren’t honest, and who aren’t loyal.  The time has passed for me to be able to tolerate such things that bring me down.

So my inability to put up with such nonsense has caused me to become somewhat of an introvert.  It’s not always easy, but i rarely get ticked off at myself.  It’s not too bad…if I had my way, I could live in a house in the country, have some good Wifi, some pizza and call me good!!!

I love you the same…

I have zero opinion when it comes to gay marriage.  Yes, you read that correctly.  I do not care one way or the other.  Go ahead and begin judging me.  I don’t care.  If people want to be gay or lesbian and be married, what business of it is mine?  Why in the world would I speak out about it?  Do people speak out about my marriage?  No, probably not.

The issue is that I’m a Christian and everyone expects me to have an opinion.  Oh, believe me, I have opinions coming out of my ears.  Unfortunately, I do not have an opinion about gay marriage.  You want to debate abortion, I’m your girl.  I have a million opinions on the sanctity of life.  But not gay marriage.  It’s ok.  Judge me.

The only I can say about the gay or lesbian lifestyles is that God is against it.  He doesn’t condone it.  He states marriage is with a man and a woman.  If you choose to live differently than that, then that’s all on you.  I certainly don’t love you any less.  And the most important thing, God doesn’t either.  God and I love you the same.

Now, if everyone would be so forgiving and tolerant with my sins.  I have done some horrible things in my life.  Things that would embarrass most of you, but that I have kept hidden and between me and God.  Are my sins any better than someone being gay or lesbian?  I would think not.  Sin is sin, even if it’s legal.  God died for my sins.  My white lies, my deceit, my impure thoughts, etc.  In the same way, God died for your sin.  Yet even in the same way, God died for gays and lesbians.  He died for those who murder, those who steal, those who gossip, anyone who sins, God died for them.

Whether your sin is legal, not legal or whether your sin is public or private – we are all sinners saved by grace and I love you the same!

Generation Idiot

My whole life I’ve been identified as Generation X.  My generation is also known as the 13th Generation or Baby Busters as we are typically the children of the Baby Boomers.  My parents were of the Silent Generation or also known as the Lucky Few.  Most people who fought in the Vietnam or Korean War were from my parents generation.  I am raising my son in Generation Z, also known as the Internet Generation or as I call it, Generation Idiot.

If you are familiar with Generation Idiot you know that this generation has no concept of time management, believe they should be recognized for simply participating instead of their achievements and have a false sense of entitlement.  They seem to have the idea that they need to be entertained constantly.  They can take school in a class room, online or at home.  They spend more time on their phone than they do talking to someone face to face.  Even their friends who are sitting right next to them!!  As I have been trying to raise my son in this generation, I have been trying to instill in him the value of time, the value of keeping score and winning and losing correctly I am literally blown away by how frustrated I get with this general attitude of his generation.  I want to strangle him and make him realize how lucky and blessed he is to have so many opportunities.

While I’m doing everything I can to, as Barney Fife would say, “nip it in the bud”, I can only do so much.  Generation Idiot has no idea how to do math in their head, write a letter, address an envelope, or look at an atlas.  Who needs to memorize where to drive when they can just pull up Google Maps every dang time on their phone?  Who needs to learn how to tell time on a clock when they just need to unlock their phone?  Who needs to learn how to calculate a tip in your head when there’s an app for that?

This weekend we spent a day at my friend Lynn’s pool.  Lynn has a house on Keystone Lake and her view from her pool is pretty amazing.  I didn’t even know what an infinity pool was until I swam in one at Lynn’s house.  We made sure to invite the girlfriend to come along so the kiddo had someone his own age to talk too and hang out with.  They swam and looked to be having a pretty good time.   About an hour there, the kiddo decides to text me and say, ‘hey we are bored.  what can we do?’  This, of course, appalls me.  When I was 16…to be able to take Jason and go to a pool for the day was a GREAT day.  I didn’t waste time being bored or wondering what else there was to do.  We would have enjoyed ourselves.  A little later I told him that he was at a house with a pool and that he and the girlfriend in no way were bored.  In what world is spending time outside with a beautiful pool, a great view, free food and your girlfriend BORING?

*sigh*

God grant me the patience to raise this Generation Idiot child!

The Josh Duggar Scandal

***   Please fasten your seat belts & hang on as this is going to be a bumpy ride.  ***

The Duggar family has been on my radar for 20+ years.  I’ve watched just about every Dateline or news story about them.  I was fascinated at their ability to keep having children while I went through all sorts of fertility treatments and couldn’t.  My sister, God rest her soul, could blink and be pregnant so Michelle Duggar reminded me alot of her.  Another thing I loved about the Duggar’s were their children all with “J” first names.  Since both my husband and I have “J” names we were planning on doing the same thing when we had children of our own.  I enjoyed watching how they teamed their children up so they would all form a relationship with their siblings.  As someone who was raised basically as an only child after the age of 7, I envied their closeness.  Additionally, as a Christian, I was particularly interested in their faith and how they raised their children.  I wouldn’t say I agreed with every thing they believed, but they were definitely, in my mind, Christians.  

Now 20+ years later we find that they were not perfect, that they had secrets and sins just like the rest of us.  So what?  

Society is begging for someone to be the perfect example for the world.  Billy Graham, Amy Grant, Michael English, Tim Tebow, Sandi Patti, the Duggars, your local pastor…we want them to be above reproach.  We want them to be the perfect example of Christ.  We want an example to try and pattern our lives after.  Unfortunately, there is one problem with Billy Graham, Amy Grant, Michael English, Tim Tebow, Sandi Patti, the Duggars, your local pastor – they are all human.  They will sin.  They will fall short of the example we expect them to set.  The only difference between their sin and YOUR sin is theirs is public.  How would you like everyone to know your secret addictions?  How would you like the mistakes in your past on national news?  How would you like your friends and family knowing all the bad things you have ever done?  Until you are willing to take that risk…that everyone in the world would know…then you have zero right to say one negative word about the Billy Grahams, the Amy Grants, the Michael Englishs, the Tim Tebows, the Sandi Pattis, the Duggars, the local pastors of the world!  So shut your mouth…literally.  I mean it.  SHUT UP with the bashing people in the spotlight.  You, in your glass house, yes you…the Sunday school teacher who is scandalized, the worship leader who can’t believe something like this would ever happen, the nursery worker who has judged others…YOU…you need to stop.  The only difference between Josh Duggars sin and yours – is his was public.  Stop acting like he’s the worst person in the world.

Let me remind you that Jesus died for YOUR sin…even the sin of gossiping or tearing down other Christians.  Let me remind you that Billy Graham, Amy Grant, Michael English, Tim Tebow, Sandi Patti, the Duggars and your local pastor are your brothers & sisters in Christ.  Jesus expects you to love them (A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34), forgive them (Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Colossians 3:13) and pray for them (Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. James 5:16).  If you don’t, you’re no better than the very people you’re intent on tearing down.

Let us all be quick to love, quick to forgive and quick to pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ.  If your biological brother were in the midst of a scandal would you rush to his aid?  Would you love him any way?  Would you forgive?  Would you be quick to pray for him?  90% of us would…so let’s do the same thing for Josh Duggar.

Do I Add Value?

This question was posed to me from work.  I can “justify” how much value I have for work.  I understand windows and glass and spacers and can add value to my employer.  But what about in my personal life?  What value do I add to my friends and family?  Do I add value to the lives of those around me?  How can I begin to add value to people in my life?

• Helping them – Ephesians 4:29, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen”
• Loving them – 1 John 3:23, “And this is his command: to believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and to love one another as he commanded us.”
• Serving them – Galatians 5:13, “Life by the Spirit You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”
• Encouraging them – 2 Corinthians 13:11, “Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice! Strive for full restoration, encourage one another, be of one mind, live in peace. And the God of love and peace will be with you.”
• Comforting them – 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4, “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴ who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.”

Are you adding value to anyone in your life today??

Why My Emotions Are All Over The Place

So…about 2.5 weeks ago I underwent my first medical procedure of my life…at least that I remember.  When I was 3 days old I had a full blood transfusion, but I don’t remember that.  Fast forward 45 years and a few months and I’m having arthroscopic surgery on my right knee.  Evidently at some point in my life I have broken my femur bone and part of the bone was floating around in my knee.  The dr wanted to go in and do a search and rescue and get all the bone fragments out, clean out any arthritis that was in there and drill a couple holes in my femur bone to stimulate some regrowth of cartilage.  I have heard horror stories about how surgeries can go…about how horrible it is to come out of the sedation, about how bad the pain will be, etc.  This, of course, made my extremely anxious.  Luckily for me it was first thing in the morning and I had to get up at 5am so I’m already tired when I get there and they give me the pain meds and that’s all she wrote for me.  I don’t remember one other thing until I’m in recovery.  I came out of sedation just fine.  I wasn’t crying.  I wasn’t angry.  I just wanted to go back to sleep.

Now fast forward 2.5 weeks.  I have been cooped up in the house for over 7 days, no sunshine, no leaving the apartment. I’m trying to wean myself off pain meds.  The house is restless because everything is topsy turvy with me being down. Focus stage right:  It’s Mother’s Day.  It’s raining buckets so our plans have been cancelled.  I have no family around here to share it with.  I miss my Mama dreadfully.  I am wearing every emotion on my sleeve by this point.  I must have broken down 7 different times on Mother’s Day, some worse than others.  Finally, it takes an episode of “Call The Midwife” to send me over the edge.  Good grief.  I’ve never cried this much in my life and that’s including the time I was on hormones trying to get pregnant.

I do not know if surgery or the stress of the surgery or the pain of the surgery is causing me to be an emotional basket-case, but I surely wish I could have some emotional normalcy.   I’m driving my own self completely bonkers being this wimpy emotional wreck.  Bring on the Happy Pills!!!

My Love Revolution

One of my New Year’s resolutions was to make more of an attempt to blog.  Since it’s been a year since my last entry, I’m not doing that well on this particular resolution.  But I have 8 more months to make an attempt!

Recently, and by recently I mean February, my family and I started attending theChurch at Battle Creek.  We wanted a place with a good youth program and somewhere we could be challenged to grow in our faith.  I’ve been blessed and encouraged during our time there.  After being so burned by church politics I was afraid I wouldn’t ever be happy to go to church again, but I’m loving it.

A week or so ago the state of Indiana passed the Indiana Religious Freedom Act and the world went nuts.  Now this is near and dear to my heart as I spent 28 years of my life in the Hoosier state.  Do I believe a business has the right to decide who they will serve?  Yes.  Do I believe they can discriminate against religion, sexuality, gender or race?  Absolutely not.  In fact, that should be illegal.  So when a pizza shop went on the hot seat for saying they wouldn’t make a wedding cake for a gay/lesbian couple, based upon the owners religious beliefs, I was outraged!

Didn’t Jesus tell us to not resist an evil person?  If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also. Matthew 5:30
Doesn’t the Bible tell us to serve one another in love? For us, as believers, to not use our freedom to indulge the sinful flesh?  Galation 5:13
Didn’t Jesus to tell us to love your neighbor as yourself?  Luke 10:27
Doesn’t the Bible say that love covers over a multitude of sins?  1 Peter 4:8

By these verses it would seem to me that every person who believes that they are following Christ should not only embrace the people who are typically discriminated against, but show them, like only true followers of Christ can do, what it means to be loved and accepted.  For example, what would have happened if the pizza shop owners would have embraced the gay/lesbian couple (someone they felt were “evil”), and treated them as if they were any other child of the King?  Would the couple not have felt loved, accepted and important?  Isn’t that the true meaning of God’s love??  Are we not to love people into the Kingdom of God?

We began a series on Easter Sunday called the Love Revolution.  Don’t be fooled into using your freedom in Christ to indulge the sinful nature by discriminating against a certain stereotypical group of people.  Learn to love everyone the way the Jesus did.  He’s the One who has changed my view, who has taught me to love unconditionally…He is my Love Revolution!!!

Easter – blah!

What is it about Easter that annoys me so much?  The bunnies, the eggs, the pink, the baskets…the list continues.  Everything about Easter just gets on my last nerve.

Now most people would find that a person who believes in the Virgin birth, the death and the resurrection should actually like Easter.  Most people who are believers in Jesus celebrate the resurrection.  I’m supposed to rejoice in my Savior rising from the dead and while I am grateful Jesus defeated death by rising on the 3rd day, I don’t necessarily rejoice.  Some Christian I am…right?

I was born and spent the first 13 years of my life not sure about the whole church thing.  Then one night a man explained about the end times & repentance.  I accepted the salvation that Jesus’ death and yes, even His resurrection, assures me I have if only I believe.  After 20+ years as a church pianist, youth leader, Sunday School teacher and countless other duties in the church, I left “church”.  But I never left my beliefs.  

My beliefs remain in tact.  In fact, the greatest thing about this time of year is that it reminds me of “the bottom line” of my beliefs.  The bottom line of what the world views as the religious side of Easter would be the fact that the death of Jesus broke the barrier between God and man.  The earth trembled and the curtain in the temple was ripped signalling our ability to go right to God the Father through Him. THAT is what is important…that I don’t have to go through another sinful man (a priest) to be able to interact with God or Jesus – all I need is faith.  

So go ahead and buy your baskets, your eggs, your pretend plastic grass; attend your egg hunts, your sunrise services, your mass; celebrate spring with your family, friends or what not…I’ll be doing what I do every Sunday – spending time with the men I love trying to put my beliefs in action.  

WGS & Mom’s Trip to Indiana

The smelly 15 year old person who lives in my house and I went to the frozen tundra that is Indiana for his Spring Break.  What we were thinking, I’ll never know.  But it allowed us time with some very special people most of whom I consider family.

Friends are family we choose for ourselves.

Tony & Shannon came to get us at the airport!

My old neighborhood…look at the snow!

Our old house

Our old house…shocking how it’s no longer “home”

Hacienda!!

Infamous chips, salsa & CCQ

Essenhaus with my sisters, Amy & Karen

My sisters, Amy & Karen

The one thing that Indiana does better than Oklahoma – McDonald’s Coke

Jay & Bumpy

Kiesha after Jay grabbed her…she didn’t want her picture taken with him since he’s taller than her now.

Kiesha, Jay, Logan & Ally

The snow & the gray…the reason we left Indiana!

Housley Girls Night Out – me, Savannah, Taba & Kiesha (Kiesha’s first GNO)

Housley Girls Night Out – Nancy

Hacienda’s Bar Nachos

Anna & Aunt Jenny

Anna & Aunt Jenny

Alex & Aunt Jenny

Alex & Aunt Jenny

Kyrah & Aunt Jenny

Me & the girls

Cordelia Grace’s “mean” face

Cordy & Aunt Jen

Hanging at the Old People’s House

Bekah & Jay

Jon, Jay & Jeaniki

Jeanica’s Sweet 16 Birthday

Me & Jeaniki

Me & Jeaniki…check out that tongue!

Aunt Jen can still “hold” Jay

Justice, Jay & Aunt Jen

Joce, Jay, Justice

Joce & Jay…he finally is taller than she is!

Rob Manthey, Rob Luter, Phats Xayamath, Jay

Me & my engineering guys

Two of my favorite women, Nana Liz & Grandma Barb

me & my sister, Laurita

Grandma Barb, Jay & Nana Liz

Shane, Jay, Skylar, Laurita

Shane, me, Skylar & Laurita

Grandpa Bob, Jay & Grandma Barb

 What an amazing time of seeing people who mean the most to us – family!